Tyson & The Wonders of Peanut Butter
by FlashOutOfTheSky
Summary: The title pretty much sums it up. This fic is mainly about a quest that Tyson goes on. TOTAL OOC-NESS. Also, the first chapter is Tyson's feelings about peanut butter-sort of like a prologue. Hope you enjoy!
1. Prologue or not

**A/N**

**OK… Prologue time! Just kidding, it's not **_**really**_** a prologue. It is actually just some random preamble to my story.**

Ahhh, peanut butter...  
How he missed it so.  
The delightful taste of it when saliva pours into your mouth; the adrenaline rush as you chew it mournfully; the stickiness as it crawls down your throat; the jovial bliss that makes you want to start singing "Glee" songs; the anger and rage that consumes you when finish the jar; the desire that comes afterward.  
He really wished that he had a jar of it now.  
Percy was so STUPID when he decided to make a sandwich! Does he even know not to take Tyson's peanut butter?  
He hoped that he wouldn't regret punching Percy in the face...  
Oh well! The punishment will come later, and everyone knew he was Daddy's favorite!  
Percy should beware...


	2. Chapter 1

**A/N**

**Okay I sort of forgot to do the disclaimer so I'm just going to do it now…**

**Do I look like the dude on the picture of the PJO? NO? Yeah, well, I didn't think so.**

**Let the awesomeness begin…**

I decided to go visit my dad, Poseidon, god of the freaking sea, horses, and now peanut butter.

Running my hand through my hair, I sauntered into the throne room. It was a colossal area-stretching who-knows-how-many miles across the ocean floor. The whole palace was made of a variety of blues and greens with topazes and aquamarines randomly sprouting onto the walls and columns. Light-yes, even if it's impossible, rays of light can reach the bottom of the ocean floor-streamed in from behind columns surrounding the perimeter. Seaweed in pots was waving with the slight ocean current. Fishes and other marine animals strolled inward on their fins and chattered in the Language of the Oceanic, which I knew pretty well. I decided to eavesdrop on them. Hey, what can I say? I'm a stalker-ish Cyclops.

I tuned my ears to adjust to the shrieks of the animals and listened to every single conversation:

"Did you hear about the new prophecy?"

"Maybe, it's him!"

"It involves a Cyclopes, right?"

"Do you think Master knows?"

I quickly withdrew my awesome hearing and started to move slowly through the crowd. Well, of course I had to move slowly-it's the only way to move in water. It's like one of those movies Percy, the demigod who saved the world, showed me in a theatre-cinema. The movie slowed at a very considerable amount of time while melodramatic music played. It's called "slow-mo."

Anyways, when I got past the humongous gathering, I saw my father talking with Triton, one of my half-brothers. I think they were chatting about military strategies and tactics. I'm not really sure because I work in the forges since Cyclopes are good blacksmiths.

"Wassup, daddieo?" I asked, imitating Percy. I nodded my head in Triton's direction and received looks of annoyance and disgust.

"Hello, son," my father's voice boomed 'cause that's how awesome he is. "I received an Iris Message from camp, and I was told that you have to go on a quest."

"Whoa, hold on! I-as in me-have to go on a quest? With Percy? Or by myself? AWESOMENESS!" I screamed in delight, shaking like a high ten-year old.

"Yes, you get to go on a quest, but by yourself. And, you and Triton are going to train for about a day before you go. I'll tell you the prophecy later." He stated, making a quick exit. Triton groaned.

I raised my eyebrow and waggled away, taunting him with my superior sickness.

"Wanna start training today? We can do it in the pavilion or court or in the battle arena!"

Triton looked at me with a look just exploding with contempt, disdain, and hatred. I shrinked away from his tall form when he started to glow. "Why don't you just stay away from me? I don't like you! I never did! Don't you get it? Never mind, I'm going to play with my My Little Ponies action figures."

"They're dolls," I called out after he was a certain distance away from me. I guess someone else has to train me. 

"Rainboowwwwww!" I sang in my manly, mythical manner.

"Yes, Tyson?" he seemed really annoyed than normal. Frankly, he usually wrinkles his nostrils, shudders, and makes rude comments. Right now, he just had a hot temper.

"Uhhh," I stalled, not wanting to get on his nerves. "Do you know someone who can train me?"

"Why dontcha ask Triton?"

"He's too busy playing with his dolls!"

"At least he doesn't scream the My Little Pony theme song every time he enters a room. Gods, that was irksome."

"Tell me about it."

"Hey, maybe you could ask your other half-brother, Albert."

"Okayyyyy," I stretched out my "y" because Albert was the king of nerds of Cyclopes.

"See ya, Ty!" Rainbow galloped toward the other hippocampi, his watery, horse-framed body moving with incredible speed.

Gee, now I was wimpy enough to ask Albert for help? I totally suck at fighting, that's for sure.

**Albert's going to come in the next chappie! Review with PEANUTBUTTER ALBERT TIME!**

**It'll make me happy ;{D**


	3. Chapter 2

**A/N**

**Here's the next chapter as I promised! Also, I only got four reviews, and they're all about the first chapter! ENJOY! REVIEW FOR THE SAKE OF PEANUT BUTTERY GOODNESS! Oops, I almost forgot the disclaimer. Do I look like a middle-aged man to you? No? I didn't think so.**

Trudging toward the far west end of the palace, I started to sing my favorite song:

"In the middle of the night, that's when you caught my eye.  
I chased you round in memories, through the breeze and the trees and you tease me.  
But, hey!  
The clock's turning around, and you're still playing these games  
It's such a waste to bring me down, down, down.  
Don't bring me down 'cause...  
Hey girl, I wanna catch your wave!  
Hey girl, I wanna drift away with you!  
Hey girl, you've got an undertow!  
Hey girl, hey girl, don't wanna let you go!"

"TYSON! What ARE you singing?" asked Bessie-that magical sea cow thing-in dismay.

"The Click Five's 'Catch Your Wave.' It's a pretty awesome-licious song!"

"Umm, okay. Whatever you say." With that, Bessie swam faster than a torpedo being aimed at that funky dude named Simon Cowell on American Idol.

"Kay, then." I skipped across the pebbled pathway.

Recalling that awkward conversation, I forgot that neither Rainbow nor I screamed "Gay Baby." Well, I just had to take advantage of that. I sucked in some water through my gills and belched, "GAY BABY!" Somewhere in Perdido Beach, California, a dark-skinned baby girl became a lesbian and will play an important part in a cool series called GONE. (READ IT!)

Several goldfish swam past me, giving me concerned looks.

"Hey, you guys are funny! Aren't you SUPPOSED to understand a good joke?"

"Yeah, but only GOOD jokes!" one of them replied. They cackled and swam off, telling each other horrible "Yo Mama" jokes. Actually, the jokes in question were hilarious, causing me to chuckle to myself.

Well, that was pretty random. Anyways, I walked outside of Albert's door and hesitated. Do I really want to get trained by the geekiest geek in the whole underwater world? I knocked.

"Wait approximately seventy-six seconds, and I will arrive in front of you without magically opening the door!" a nerdy voice called from inside.

I sighed. I mean, who really says "seventy-six?" That's like the most random number you could mention. Why not use "seventy-five?" does he really have to say "seventy-six?" It just pisses me off, that's all.

Well, surely, seventy-six seconds later, Albert somehow appeared out of his room without opening the door.

His pale, ivory skin blinded my one eye, and I wasn't able to see for a while. When I could, his bright aquamarine eye stared out of me under thick, Harry Potter-like glasses-specially made by Hephaestus. His stout, thin frame was covered in his usual rubber shorts and a polyester, plaid sweater covered his torso and chest. He was overall the wimpiest Cyclopes in existence.

"Do you want to know how I did it?" He asked, smiling, hyped up.

"Did what?" I asked still dazed by his Edward Cullen like-ness.

"The Appearing-Right-In-Front-Of-You-Trick?"

"Ohhh, mmkay."

"Well, first of all, I wondered if we had the power to transform into water because we are Poseidon's son. I mean we can control water; so why can't we turn into water? I decided to test my hypothesis-"

His voice kept on blabbering on and on.

"So, when I was done, I realized we could, in fact, turn into water. Our molecular structure turned all of our molecules into H2O. Scientifically, it isn't possible, but magically, it's a whole 'nother story."

"That was... interesting, Albert. Thanks for the lecture. Anyways, I was wondering if you wanted to train me for a quest."

"A-a-a qu-u-e-e-est? Sh-hu-u-ure." he started to stutter and shake. His body twitched, and sweat poured down his face, neck, legs, and probably every else in his body.

"Soooooo?" I asked him, "Wanna do it tomorrow? 'Cause I'm beat!"

He nodded and shut the door to his room.

Well, that went well! I think...


	4. Chapter 3

**A/N**  
**Okay, I've noticed that no one reviews for some unknown reason. Is the button not working? Grrr, you all disappoint me. Anyway, disclaimer time. I don't own PJO, but I do own the world... In my mind I do.**

"A-a-lbert!" I sang in my awesome, manly sing-song way!

"Wait approximately seventy-six seconds, and I will arrive in front of you without magically opening the door!" a nerdy voice called from inside.

Oh gods, not again with the whole "seventy-six" thing.

"THERE! I betcha wanna know how to do that! Right? Am I-oh! It's you!"

"Thanks for the intro. Can we start practicing now? I _really _need to get started on my quest!"

Albert ran his fingers through his short, cropped, blonde hair in a "why-me?"way. "Fine, let us go to the training arena."

Finally! I started to do my awesome power walk that allows me to move about as _fast as a golf cart_. Did I mention the slo-mo thing yet?

Seaweed and anemone seemed to appear out of nowhere. The water shimmered with a certain shiny-ness. Merman and Cyclopes rode on giant multicolored seahorses and hippocampi. Ahhh, a usual day in my dad's underwater paradise. It almost made me want to quote some random quote from Shakespeare. Almost.

When we finally reached the arena, I selected a huge club and swiveled my head toward Albert; he was too busy cleaning his glasses. I pretended to swing toward his head and look outward, as if I hit a home-run.

Albert finished putting his glasses on in a totally nerdy fashion. He turned toward me, "First of all, you don't want to use a club. You have to have more speed and agility while fighting in the air. Try using a sword, scythe, spear, or knife. I prefer to use a mace because I tend to have more power and force that way."

I glared at him a death glare which could scare empousai and make them run away. He seemed unfazed. Today was not my day. I picked out a saffron (obviously Celestial bronze), gleaming sword with a golden handle. _Kraken_ was inscribed on the side of the hilt in Ancient Greek. Quickly, I shifted my weight to my back foot so I could spring toward my attacker-which so happened to be Albert. We sparred for about half an hour until my knees felt weak and my stomach cramped. I face-planted the ground and shakily let out a sigh of relief. Those were some of the toughest moments of my entirely short, young life. I raised my head and saw Albert hardly sweating with a slow, even breaths. I am seriously starting to hate this kid.

He caught me staring and asked, "Do you want to try that again?"

"Heck no!" I thought, but, in reality, I just shook my head slowly. "Nah, let's see what my prophecy says."

"B-b-bu-ut, you don't even know to fight correctly. I just totally whooped you butt!"

Dang it! He noticed. To avoid further humiliation, I started to swim-walk toward the throne room once again. The only difference was that I was sweaty and giving _Kraken_ a death-grip. I twisted my head, and Albert appeared out of nowhere. I guess he decided to become part of my personal fan club/stalking system. When I pulled the door open, I looked over the vast room and out popped my daddy.

He was just sitting there, staring at a mist-image with a proud smile on his face. He gave a little tell-tale sigh of approval. Then, my dad's head perked up and he noticed us. "Tyson, Albert, what do you need?"

"I need to know the prophecy 'cause I don't think I'll be able to complete this quest thing without it."

"Ahh, yes the prophecy. I wrote it down somewhere here. You both know that I completely suck at remembering rhymes and whatnot. That's Apollo's job." He rummaged through the mess surrounding his chair while he said this.

After a while, he handed me a water- and pressure-resistant scroll made up of ivory paper and held together with a pink, metallic paperclip. It read:

_"Two shall sail through seas foreign to them_  
_They come across dangers taller than men_  
_This an errand for peanut butter that have to amend_  
_Go to seven sites of old_  
_And vanquish those who try to oppose."_

"Uh, what is this BS supposed to mean?" I might have forgotten to mention that Percy taught me swear words to cuss at people

"LANGUAGE!" gasped Albert pointing a pale finger at me.

"I'm not permitted to tell you. Now, on with your quest! Make sure you take at least one companion with you." With that, he took off, a stream of bubbles billowing behind him as he quickly disappeared.

"So," Albert started slowly. "Am I going on this quest with you?"

"Uhhh," I replied, unsure of whether he should or shouldn't. I know I needed a back-up, and I didn't want Triton, can you say "YEESH!"? I told him yes.

Which was a mistake.

"WOOOOOOOOHHHHHH! Par-tay! WOOOOOOOOHHHHHH!" He jumped up and down like he was high and started fist pumping.

"Albert. Al-bert. ALBERT! Get yourself together and pack; we have a busy day tomorrow."

Gods, I felt like a baby-sitter.

At least I get to go on my (infamous) quest tomorrow.


	5. Chapter 4

**A/N:**

**So, I'm thinking of not writing or posting anything up until I receive at least 5 reviews. It's like no one is reading this story. I'd really appreciate some feedback right about now. To people who at least favorite, followed, or reviewed this strange story, you all rock. Also, I would like to mention that this story does have a plot. Chapter 1 was completely weird but this story does in fact have a plot. Anyways, disclaimer time! I don't own PJO. Or peanut butter, for that matter.**

I checked my backpack, then rechecked, then rechecked again. I had everything I needed to survive in "The Outside World": a plastic baggie full to the brim of ambrosia, two thermos bottles of nectar, a water bottle, a pair of sunglasses, an extra pair of clothes, pieces of metal to tinker with, and some money-dollars and drachmas.  
I changed into a red T-shirt and dark blue board shorts; Kraken was strapped to my waist and was shimmering with sparkles that came out of nowhere. Gods, now I have a gay sword.

Sprinting toward the west wing, I involuntarily checked my waterproof watch. Actually, I should mention that practically _everything_ I own is waterproof. Checking the time again, I realized that I should consult with Albert.

~~~RANDOM TIME SPACE SWITCHY THING~~~

"Sooo," I dragged out the "o."

"We should go visit the seven ancient wonders of the world," Albert replied automatically. Before I could ask a question, he started to talk again. "The prophecy mentions 'seven sites of old,' right? So we have to go to important places that ancient mortal humans made or impacted upon. The Great Pyramid, the Lighthouse of Alexandria, the Hanging Gardens of Babylon, the Temple if Artemis, the Temple of Zeus, the Colossus of Rhodes, and the Mausoleum of Halicarnassus are all important areas. I suggest we start in Greece and, first, go to the temples."

"Umm, okay. Off to the temples! Let's ride Rainbow and Stream."

We nonchalantly sauntered to the stables. A pebbled pathway led us there in curving twists and turns. Copper walls rose about twenty feet tall and glinted in the faint rays visible. The building smelt of, well, regular, salty sea water. Hippocampi really don't eat or drink anything; they just consume water to make sure they don't dehydrate, which would be _very '_bad.

Anyways, when I entered-with Albert right behind me-every one of those water-made horses looked at me and neighed in happiness. They probably remembered when I convinced Dad to let them be involved in the last Titan war.

I smiled in my princely way and walked to the end of the stalls. "'Sup, Rainbow, Stream." I did the awesome head-nod thing that I do to about everyone. "We need to get Greece."

"Sorry about this, Tyson, but we hippocampi are on a strict break. Triton's orders."

Grr, I knew Triton would find _some_ way to sabotage my first quest-not including the Labyrinth.

"What should we do?" asked Albert peering at me fearfully under those circular glasses of his.

But, I really didn't know _what_ to do.

Then, something struck me. It struck me so hard like being tossed under stampeding pegasi and then being used as a pillow for all of those pegasi.

"Why don't we just-I don't know-sail a ship to Greece? We're sons of Poseidon and should be able to sail all that way."

"Hmmm... You're right! For once!"

"What do you mean 'For once?'"

"Um, ignore that last statement that shouldn't even be considered as a sentence because of it insulting your low, low demeanor."

"What does that mean?"

"That you're awesome?"

"Oh, okay then. Let's go fight some monster behind!"

"Okay! Let's hope you don't get us killed!"

"Insulting me AGAIN? What is wrong with you, boy?"

"You?"

"Ugh."


	6. Chapter 5

**A/N**  
**Okay, so this is basically them making the boat and their experience on it. I know, I'm such a procrastinator. Also, this chapter is so short that it's hilarious. Flashy don't own.**

We had to build a boat. Not just any boat. The boat of awesome epicness. The boat of awesome epicness that could top all boats ever built. That is so not any easy feat.

Albert and I used scrap metal from the forges that we could use to strengthen the hull. The boat overall was made of pressure-resistant, dark wood with two small bedrooms, a measly kitchen, a tiny bathroom, and a lookout deck. The boat was, in length, about thirty feet._ S-M-A-L-L!_

"We have a very crappy boat," put in Albert, surveying our patchwork design.

"Yup, now it's time to see if this baby can float." My eyes widened slightly.

"Doubt it," he scoffed.

I glared at the kid and started to climb aboard the ship. Stepping carefully aboard, our eyes darted across the interior. It was... Ugly. You probably thought I was going to say beautiful, but you're wrong.

Anyways, I trudged up the steep stairs that escalate onto the highest deck. I reached the observation deck and readied the wheel at what I hoped was the general direction of Greece.

We sailed for about three days in which Albert and I had plenty of fights, arguments, and sing-a-longs. We toasted ginger ale and virtually got drunk on that stuff, ate fattening, take-out food from Mickey D's, and cussed out random unicorns. It was a lovely trip.


	7. Chapter 6

Tyson & The Wonders of PB  
Ch7

**A/N:**

**Hi, al! It's been what? A month since I updated? I'm deeply sorry to those who are reading this and actually waited. **_**But**_**, my rule still stands; I'm going to and wait for at least **_**three**_**, yes three, reviews this time. See, you made me lose my patience with you all. You should be ashamed. Just kidding :) Still, you might want to review (and that's just a hint). Anyways, this is just another small tidbit in my story. Enjoy! Also, I'm not Rick Riordan, henceforth, I don't own PJO.**

"WE'RE FINALLY HERE! Thank Zeus!" Albert kissed the ground after he sprinted from our boat with exaggerated happiness. Let's just say someone had an unexpected case of sea sickness

*CUE FLASHBACK*  
"You have WHAT?"

"A certain case of nausea that overwhelms my nerves of awesomeness and causes me to feel slightly dizzy and faint while I'm in a rocking position."

He did NOT just steal my use of the word _awesomeness!_.

"In other words..."

"I HAVE SEA SICKNESS!"

"WHAT? YOU'RE A FREAKING SON OF POSIEDON! IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE?"  
*END FLASHBACK*

I momentarily shook my head, relieving myself of that memory, and climbed down the rat lines swiftly, floating to the dock like a fatigued bird coming down for a pit stop.

I looked toward our boat, comparing it to the white, sleek, modern models that surrounded it. Well, I could always use the strong type of Mist.

We were in Greece! Greasy Greece! The place where all this mythology jazz started! The birthplace of my father, and his father, and his father! That's where the linage stops! I need to stop being happy!

"Say, Tyson, which temple should we head first, Zeus or Artemis? I think we should go towards Artemis', but I don't want to anger Zeus. On the other hand, if we enrage the virgin goddess of archery, the moon, hunting, and childbirth... Well, let's say I don't want to be on her bad side." Albert was wringing his hands while sweat poured down his face; he looked entirely spectacle in his predicament. There goes happiness.

"Uhh, which one's closer?"

Suddenly, a zapping, sizzling type of light flashed a dazzling crimson, and a man with two faces on opposite sides of his head appeared. He was wearing blood-red robes folded many times with a green tunic tucked into black sweatpants. Just to briefly summarize, his outfit didn't flatter him.

"So, which temple are you inquiring of choosing?" The _Whatever_ tilted his head.

"Wha'?" I asked.

"Which. Temple. Are. You. Going. To. Choose. Cyclopes?" he said slowly, probably implying that I didn't get big words.

"Hey, don't make fun! I do to know how to use big words!"

"Huzzah!" Albert raised his arm, fist pumping.

Me and the _Whatever_ stared at him.

The _Whatever _slowly inclined his head toward me. As if reading my mind, he venomously said, "I'm not a _whatever_! I am Janus! God of doorways, and paths, and-"

"Hey! Didn't we meet before?" I remembered where I saw the _wha_-I mean Janus's- faces before! It was in the Labyrinth.

"Ahh, yes, I remember you, young Cyclopes. You were with the Jackson kid."

"Yeah, my brother Percy."

"Really?" he asked sarcastically. "I can see the family resemblance."

"And I'm his other brother!" Albert put in.

"I can _totally _see where you all get your looks from."

"Aww, thanks!" I exclaimed. I'm noticed for my awesome, godly-handsome looks. "Which temple do _you _think we should go to?"

"Well, _I_ recommend Artemis," one face told me. "Well, _I_ recommend Zeus!" argued the other. Gods, this dude is just too bipolar.


End file.
